c/relationships·Posted by u/chris_moretti·1h ago
Why is texting my partner easier than talking in the same room after dinner?
I can send her a paragraph from my desk at 2pm about how the meeting went, how I felt, even a joke about her boss. She sends voice notes back. We look close on the phone. Then we eat leftover rice at the table at 7:30 and I ask the same kind of thing out loud and it comes out stiff, like I'm interviewing her. She answers in three words and looks at her plate. Last night I texted her from the couch. She was six feet away, charging her phone in the kitchen. She laughed at the text, came in, and we still didn't talk. We just showed each other the screen. I don't think we're hiding. It's more like the phone is a hallway we know how to walk down, and the living room is an open space where I don't know where to stand. I miss hearing her actual voice go on. The voice notes are close, but delayed. Anyone else have a relationship that works better in the thread than in the room?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/jordan_hale1h ago
texting from the couch to the kitchen six feet away is so embarrassing and so us. we laughed at the screen and still didn't talk. i felt crazy naming it.
u/aisha_r1h ago
i put both phones on the dresser at dinner for the rice-and-three-words problem. first two nights were awkward as hell. third night she actually told a story. not a paragraph. a story.
u/ben_okonkwo59m ago
voice notes at 2pm and stiff interviews at 7:30... same split. do you think she's tired, or is the table just a worse medium for her? my wife is a better texter. always was.
u/sophie_lang58m ago
leftover rice interviews are bleak. you're not imagining the hallway vs the open room thing. i don't have a fix. just, you're not the only one with a relationship that lives in the thread.