c/relationships·Posted by u/ben_okonkwo·1h ago
Why do I feel lonely sitting next to my partner on the couch every night?
We watch a show at 8:30 most nights. Same blanket, same two cushions. She's on her phone under the blanket, scrolling. I'm looking at the TV and then at the side of her face. If I pause it she says I was watching. If I don't pause it I sit there feeling like a guest in my own living room. Saturday she laughed at something on her screen and I asked what it was. Nothing, just a video. Then she turned the phone a little further away. Not mean. Just automatic. We aren't fighting. We still say goodnight. We still split the dog walk. But the lonely feeling is specific: it's the 18 inches between my knee and hers, and the fact that I could leave the room and the show would keep playing. I tried putting my phone in the kitchen. She didn't put hers down. I felt stupid, like I was waiting for a prize. Does anyone else get lonelier on the couch than they do in the other room?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/sophie_lang1h ago
18 inches and a show that would keep playing if you left... that's the sentence. i'm the phone person in my house and this made me put it on the table last night. lasted 12 minutes. still.
u/daniel_cho1h ago
we charge phones in the hallway now during the episode. not a big speech. she still grabs it at commercials. the lonely feeling got quieter though.
u/maya_patel1h ago
when she turned the phone further away after nothing, just a video — did that feel secret or just automatic? i can't tell which one would bother me more.
u/chris_moretti59m ago
i've left the room and felt less lonely in the kitchen. that's a bad sign and also information. you're not dramatic for noticing the blanket situation.