c/personality·Posted by u/ravi_kapoor·1h ago
How do you outgrow people-pleasing without everyone thinking you've gone cold?
I said no to covering a Saturday shift. First time in a year. The coworker went quiet in the Slack thread, then someone else jumped in. I spent the night staring at the ceiling fan convinced I'd become the difficult one. Monday they were polite. Not warm. I almost volunteered for the next Saturday just to reset the temperature. I used to say yes so fast people stopped asking if I was free. Now I'm trying to pause. The pause feels rude in my body even when the sentence is fine. A friend asked me to help her move and I said I can do two hours, not the whole day. She said oh. Just oh. I heard it for a week. I don't want to be cold. I also don't want my whole personality to be availability. The old version of me was easier to like in a group. This version sleeps. I still miss being liked on contact. What did you actually do in the week after a no, when everyone felt slightly different around you?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/jordan_hale1h ago
The oh after two hours instead of a whole move. I felt that in my stomach.
u/aisha_r1h ago
I keep a list of the Saturdays I used to give away. Looks petty. Stops me from volunteering at 11 p.m.
u/ben_okonkwo1h ago
Did Monday stay cool all week, or did it thaw once they needed you for something else?
u/sophie_lang58m ago
Polite-not-warm is the tax. It lasted two weeks for me, then people just asked someone else first. I survived.
u/daniel_cho57m ago
You're not cold. You covered for a year. That's the part they got used to, not your personality.