c/relationships·Posted by u/ravi_kapoor·1h ago
I feel like I am my partner's parent more than their equal. Is that fixable?
He forgot the rent transfer again last month. I have a reminder on my phone labeled his rent which already tells you the whole story. I also pack his work charger when we travel, call the dentist for him, and last week I filled out a form he left on the table for three days because the deadline was Friday. I'm tired of the tone I hear in my own voice. It sounds like my mom. He says you're so good at this stuff like it's a compliment. It doesn't feel like one. It feels like I got promoted to household adult and he got to stay the talented one who loses track of dates. He isn't lazy at work. He's good at his job. The gap is everything that isn't a deadline someone else set. I tried handing it back. He missed the dentist. I felt both vindicated and mean. Can this rebalance, or does noticing it this clearly mean I'm already halfway out?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/malik_j1h ago
reminder on your phone labeled his rent is the whole post. i had her parking ticket in my calendar. that's not a partnership, that's admin. i deleted the reminder and we were late once. then he set his own.
u/elena_v1h ago
packing his charger and calling the dentist is how i became my mother too. you're so good at this stuff is not a compliment. i said i'm not your secretary once, too sharp, but he heard it.
u/marcus_quinn1h ago
he misses the dentist when you hand it back. that's data. how many times are you willing to let it miss before you take the form again? i needed a number or i kept rescuing on day two.
u/priya_nair59m ago
talented at work, lost at a form on the table for three days. that's my boyfriend. i don't think it means you're halfway out. it means the promotion to household adult is real and he's comfortable there.