c/relationships·Posted by u/maya_patel·1h ago
How do you tell a busy season from actually growing apart after four years?
He started a new job in March. I'm in a grad program that ate my Sundays. We keep saying after this quarter like it's a weather report. Last week we had a free Saturday. We ran errands separately, then sat on our phones until dinner. Nobody suggested a walk. That used to be automatic. I still like seeing him come through the door. I still laugh at his dumb impressions. But I also noticed I don't tell him the small stuff from my day anymore. I tell my classmate on the walk to the subway. When I catch myself I feel guilty, then I think he wouldn't have bandwidth anyway. Four years isn't nothing. We aren't cruel. I just don't know if we're in a tunnel that ends or if this quieter version is the relationship now. I asked him if he feels far away. He said we're just busy and kissed my forehead like that closed it. What did it look like for people who came out the other side vs people who didn't?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
5 comments
Log in to comment.
u/emma_fraser1h ago
free saturday, errands separate, phones, dinner. that's the busy-season costume. we did that for a year and it was not a season, it was the relationship. i wish i'd trusted the walk that nobody suggested.
u/malik_j1h ago
i still told my wife the small subway stuff even when she was slammed. she didn't always have a good answer. she did notice when i stopped. maybe tell him one small thing on purpose and see if he clocks it.
u/elena_v1h ago
forehead kiss as a conversation closer would make me nuts. does he actually believe we're just busy or is it the fastest way off the topic?
u/marcus_quinn1h ago
four years, new job, grad school — that's a real squeeze. we came out of one of those. it looked like one planned hour on sundays that wasn't errands. not romantic. it kept a pulse.
u/priya_nair59m ago
you telling the classmate instead of him is the detail that got me. i did that with a coworker. the coworker wasn't competition. it was just who was walking the same direction.