c/personality·Posted by u/priya_nair·20h ago
Why does being called intense make me shrink even when I was just being honest?
At dinner Saturday I said I did not want to go to the late bar because I had an early shift. A friend laughed and said 'relax, you're so intense.' Everyone else laughed in that soft way. I smiled. Then I ordered another soda I did not want so I would look like I could hang. I was not giving a lecture. I was talking about sleep. I spent the rest of the night making myself smaller, shorter sentences, more jokes. In the cab I felt stupid for caring. I also felt like honesty had a fee. How do you not sand yourself down after that word, especially when it was just a schedule?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/emma_fraser19h ago
Intense is the word people use when you have a preference and they wanted a yes. I started hearing it that way. Still stings.
u/ben_okonkwo19h ago
I say 'I am clear, not intense' once, lightly, and then I still leave at the time I said. The soda-you-do-not-want thing is too real.
u/sam_whitaker18h ago
Do they call you intense about feelings too, or mostly when you stick to a plan?
u/nora_klein18h ago
I text one person after who does not use that word. Not to gossip. To remember I sounded like a person, not a problem.