Why do I always need to be the easy one in every group I'm in?

Wedding last month. Eight people at the table trying to pick a late-night food spot. I heard myself say I'm good with whatever before anyone had named a place. Later someone asked if I wanted a ride. I said I could figure it out. I had no ride. I waited for a bus in dress shoes. I do this at work too. Lunch place, meeting time, who takes notes. I volunteer to be the one with no preference because it makes the group move. Then I eat food I didn't want and I feel strangely proud of being low-maintenance, which is a weird thing to be proud of. If I actually say I want tacos, I feel like I've made the table about me. That's an insane scale and I know it while I'm doing it. I don't think people are using me. I think I trained them. How did you stop needing to be the easy one without swinging into being the difficult one? I don't even know what my real preference is half the time.

Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.

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u/jade_c 1h ago
Bus in dress shoes is a brutal detail. I've done the I'm-good-with-whatever thing and then eaten a salad I hated.
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u/ravi_kapoor 1h ago
I pick first now, even if it's just the diner. Once the words are out, the shame is smaller than I expected.
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u/emma_fraser 1h ago
When someone else says they're easy too, do you feel relief or do you panic that nobody will decide?
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u/malik_j 59m ago
Low-maintenance as a personality is a trap. People stop asking, then you get the bus.
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