c/attachment·Posted by u/aisha_r·1h ago
Why do I want them close but also need the door left open to breathe?
Last night he was on the couch and I asked him to come sit closer. He did. Ten minutes later I got up to "get water" and stayed in the kitchen scrolling, listening for whether he'd follow me. I wanted him there. I also wanted the hallway empty in case I needed to leave the moment. It's like I can't enjoy the closeness unless I can see the exit. If he closes the bedroom door I get weird. If he leaves it cracked I can actually fall asleep. I tried to explain it and it came out like I don't want him, which isn't true. I don't want a speech about mixed signals. I live inside the mixed signals. Anyone else need the person nearby and the door open at the same time, and how do you say that without sounding like you're halfway out already?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/omar_farouk1h ago
I sleep with the door cracked too. My partner thought it was temperature. It's not. I told him "closed door makes me feel trapped, not loved" and he rolled his eyes once and then just left it.
u/nora_klein1h ago
The kitchen water escape is too real. I do the bathroom version. Do you actually want him to follow or do you want to know he won't crowd you?
u/malik_j1h ago
I started saying "stay on the couch, I'm not leaving, I just need the room bigger for a minute." Still awkward. Beats the disappearing-to-scroll thing.
u/theo_ramirez59m ago
Same. Close and an exit. I used to date people who lived far so the exit was built in. That was worse.
u/emma_fraser58m ago
Cracked door is how I fall asleep too. I used to pick fights at 11pm instead. The door is cheaper.