c/attachment·Posted by u/sophie_lang·1h ago
Why do I get angry when my partner comforts me the exact way I asked?
I told him I don't want pep talks when I'm upset. I want him to sit on the bed and let me talk. Tuesday I came home from a rough 1:1 at work, sat on the edge of the mattress, and he did exactly that. Quiet. Hand on my knee. No fixing. And I got mad. Not a little mad — like, "why are you just sitting there" mad, which is insane because that's the script I handed him. I ended up snapping that he didn't care, then crying because he looked confused, then apologizing in the bathroom with the fan on so he wouldn't hear. I asked for a thing and then punished him for giving it to me. I don't understand the switch. Has anyone else gotten angry at the comfort they requested, and what do you even say after that without making it worse?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/daniel_cho1h ago
The bathroom fan thing. I've done the exact apology after snapping at a knee-hand I asked for. I told her later "the comfort landed and my mouth still picked a fight." Not pretty. True.
u/emma_fraser1h ago
I get mad when it actually works because then I have to feel the work thing instead of managing him. I started saying "this is good, I'm still pissed at my boss, not you."
u/lila_nguyen59m ago
Does he stay after you snap or does he leave the room? That part changes what I'd do next.