c/attachment·Posted by u/chris_moretti·1h ago

Why do I feel safer with people who are already a little unavailable?

I've been seeing someone who lives two trains away and works nights. We pick a day, we see each other, then there's a built-in gap. I sleep. I don't refresh as much. Last month I went out with a guy who texted good morning and wanted to make Tuesday plans on Sunday and I felt hunted, which is a terrible thing to feel about someone being nice. The night-shift one isn't even better. He's just farther. The distance does something my body reads as safe. When someone is free and interested I start looking for the catch, or I go cold so I can get the air back. I don't want to keep choosing the person with the harder schedule because it's easier on my nerves. Anyone else feel safer with unavailable people, and did that ever change without you forcing a whole new personality?

Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.