c/attachment·Posted by u/emma_fraser·1h ago
Do I need more therapy, or am I just picking people who keep me unsure?
The last person I dated would go quiet for a day after anything tender. The one before that canceled plans from a parking lot. Now I'm seeing someone who answers, shows up, and still I wait for the fade. Thursday he walked me to my building and I spent the stairwell wondering when he'd go cold, like my body doesn't believe this version. I keep hearing two stories. One: I should work on me. Two: I keep choosing people who make the waiting easy to justify. I can do both badly at once. I don't want internet people to tell me I'm broken or that every ex was a villain. I want the boring distinction. If you've been in the stairwell after a perfectly fine goodbye — did you change who you picked, or how you wait, or both?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/malik_j1h ago
Stairwell after a good walk-to-the-door is the worst because there's nothing to point at. I changed who I picked first. The waiting got quieter after, not before. Still not zero.
u/priya_nair1h ago
I did a year of sessions and still dated a parking-lot-canceler for six months. The work didn't stick until the person in front of me actually answered texts. Both mattered. The choice was louder.
u/jordan_hale1h ago
Does this new one actually go quiet or are you importing the last guy into Thursday? I imported for weeks.
u/sam_whitaker59m ago
I made a dumb rule: if they go silent after something tender, I don't explain myself into it. I just don't pick a third week. Felt mean. Saved me a year.