c/trauma·Posted by u/ravi_kapoor·1h ago
How do I grieve the childhood I didn't get without sounding ungrateful at dinner?
I saw a photo a coworker posted of her dad teaching her kid to make pancakes on a Saturday. Ordinary. I had to go to the bathroom and sit down. I don't hate my family. They did what they could with what they had. If I say I missed something, it sounds like I'm putting them on trial at a dinner they paid for. But I still miss a version of being a kid that I didn't get — not a fantasy house, just afternoons that didn't rearrange around a tone of voice. I feel ungrateful writing that. How do you miss what you didn't have without turning it into a case against people who are still in your phone? I don't want a speech. I want to know if other people hold both things: love, and a quiet sadness for a childhood that didn't show up.
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/lila_nguyen1h ago
Pancake photos get me too. I don't post about it. I just text a friend "pancake day" and she knows. That's as public as I go. Still love my folks. Still sit in bathrooms.
u/priya_nair1h ago
I say both out loud to myself in the car, not at dinner. "They tried. I still missed stuff." Dinner is the wrong courtroom. The car can hold it.
u/omar_farouk1h ago
Do you still go to those dinners? I do, and I leave a little earlier than I used to. Not a speech. Just dishes and goodbye before the old afternoon feeling starts.
u/elena_v1h ago
Ungrateful was the word I was trained to use on myself. Missing something isn't a lawsuit. You can love people and still wish Saturday looked different. I wish it didn't take me so long to allow that sentence.