c/relationships·Posted by u/sam_whitaker·1h ago
They need space after a fight and I need to talk it out now. What then?
We fought Thursday about me reading a message on her laptop that was sitting open. I shouldn't have looked. I said that. I still wanted to finish the conversation because the unfinished version was going to eat my night. She put on her shoes and said she was going for a walk, don't text me. I lasted eleven minutes and texted are we okay. She came back more shut than when she left. I know space is not a punishment. In my body it feels like one. If we don't land the plane I will replay the laptop thing until 2am, including versions where she's packing a bag. She says talking while she's hot makes her say stuff she doesn't mean. I believe her. I also can't sit on the couch staring at the door. We've tried a timer. 30 minutes. I still hover. She still leaves her phone in the other room on purpose. How do you both get what you need in that first hour without one person losing?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
4 comments
Log in to comment.
u/marcus_quinn1h ago
eleven minutes then are we okay — i've been the walk and i've been the text. the text always made my walk useless. she wasn't packing. i still felt hunted.
u/priya_nair1h ago
we do a note on the table: back at 8:40, not leaving you. no conversation. the clock helps my chest more than don't text me, which just sounds like a cliff.
u/jordan_hale1h ago
you looking at the laptop was the original mess. does she believe you about not doing it again, or is the walk also about that? only asking because my partner needed the space to be about trust, not volume.
u/aisha_r1h ago
timer never worked for us either. he hovered, i hid the phone. what kind of worked was him washing the same mug for 20 minutes so his hands were busy. looks silly. he didn't text.