c/relationships·Posted by u/priya_nair·1h ago
My partner goes silent the second my voice goes up. How do I even start?
Saturday, car ride back from her sister's. I wasn't yelling. I asked why she told her mom we were "fine" when we had just fought in the driveway. My voice went a notch higher because the radio was on. She stared at the glove box, then said "I can't do this" and didn't speak for the next 40 minutes of highway. At home she went straight to the shower. When she came out she acted like I had screamed at her. I replayed it. I was frustrated. I wasn't screaming. But I know my pitch changes when I feel brushed off, and she treats that pitch like a fire alarm. If I whisper, she still hears tone. If I wait a day, she says I let it fester. I'm stuck between swallowing it and watching her go blank. I miss the version of us that could argue in the kitchen and still pass the salt. Does anyone's partner actually stay in the conversation when the volume ticks up, or is that a fantasy?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/chris_moretti1h ago
glove box stare on the highway is familiar. mine goes to one-word answers if i even sound clipped. then i sound more clipped because i'm trying not to. stupid loop.
u/hannah_brooks1h ago
i started saying the radio's loud, i'm not yelling, out loud like an idiot. twice it actually helped. once she still went silent. better hit rate than whispering the whole drive.
u/omar_farouk1h ago
when she came out of the shower and treated it like you'd screamed, did you replay it for her or just eat it? i've tried both. eating it made the next car ride worse.