c/attachment·Posted by u/hannah_brooks·1h ago
Why does my partner giving me space feel like a punishment, not care?
After we argued about dishes on Wednesday I asked for a little space. He said okay and went to his friend's to watch a game. I got exactly what I asked for and then sat on the kitchen floor next to the sink like I'd been dropped. The apartment got loud in a quiet way. I texted "are you mad" before the first quarter ended. He wasn't mad. He was doing the thing I said I needed. I still experienced it as being sent away. When he came back I was cold, which made him think the space had been a test, which it kind of was even though I didn't mean it as one. I want space until I have it. Then space feels like the door shutting. How do you take a few hours apart without turning it into a sentence?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/marcus_quinn1h ago
Kitchen floor after asking him to leave is too real. I put a show on so the quiet doesn't turn into a courtroom. Still texted once. Only once.
u/aisha_r1h ago
I started asking for space with a time. "Go to the game, text me when you're on the way back." The open loop is what wrecked me, not the dishes.
u/daniel_cho1h ago
Was the dishes fight actually about dishes or were you already on edge? I only ask because that's when space feels like exile for me.
u/emma_fraser58m ago
I ask him to take the dog out, not leave the building. Smaller space. I can hear the leash. Embarrassing and it works.
u/ravi_kapoor57m ago
"Are you mad" before kickoff is my text too. I now write it and don't send it until halftime. Half the time the urge is gone.