c/attachment·Posted by u/quietmeetings·2mo ago
I have an anxious attachment style. I lash out at my partner. What should I do?
Closeness feels like relief and a threat at the same time. It's exhausting. I don't even have a clean name for it. I just know it keeps running the day. I can watch myself reach for reassurance and still reach. I keep finding essays that sound right and still don't change Tuesday morning. What would you tell someone who is tired of trying and still not ready to give up?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/chris_moretti2mo ago
I also had anxious attachment. The key was taking ownership of my needs rather than seeking parental love in adult relationships. Learning to meet my own needs changed everything.
u/quietmeetings2mo ago
That last line landed. I'm going to sit with it.
u/keisha_ward2mo ago
The urge to 'get ahead of the abandonment' is so sneaky. Awareness helps; it doesn't erase it overnight.
u/amber_cole2mo ago
Yeah. The body gets there before the story does.
u/sam_whitaker2mo ago
Secure people felt boring at first. That was my nervous system, not a lack of chemistry.
u/quietmeetings2mo ago
Saving this. I've been circling the same thought for months.
u/claire_d2mo ago
I had to stop treating every delayed text like a verdict. Still practicing.
u/one_more_try2mo ago
Yeah. The body gets there before the story does.