c/attachment·Posted by u/daniel_cho·1h ago
Does anyone else get anxious attachment spirals with friends, not partners?
My closest friend left my "you free this weekend?" on read from Thursday night until Saturday noon. I wasn't dating her. We just get dumplings and complain about our jobs. I still checked the thread in the elevator at work, in line at the pharmacy, once at a red light like a teenager. When she finally replied it was a voice note from a moving train, exhausted, asking if Sunday still worked. I said yes and then felt embarrassed that I'd already written her off as done with me over a dumpling text. I keep thinking this stuff is supposed to stay in dating. It doesn't. A slow reply from a friend can wreck an afternoon the same way. Anyone else get this with friendships, and how do you not turn a delayed voice note into a whole ending in your head?
Peer discussion on askDr.app. Not therapy and not a substitute for professional care.
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u/hannah_brooks1h ago
Dumplings-and-jobs friend silence is my exact spiral. I used to send a follow-up "did I do something" which made it weirder. Now I wait until the next day and ask about a specific plan, not about the friendship.
u/elena_v1h ago
I do this with group chats going quiet. Pharmacy line checking is too accurate.
u/omar_farouk58m ago
Was Thursday-to-Saturday unusual for her or is she always a voice-note-on-a-train person? I had to learn my friend's actual pace.
u/aisha_r57m ago
Same but with a coworker I eat lunch with. I started putting the chat on mute until Friday 5. Still peeked. Less though.
u/theo_ramirez55m ago
Red light check got me once in traffic. I put her thread in a folder named "weekend" so it's one extra tap. Dumb friction. Helps.